Portraits of Collinwood: Limericks

Limericks written by: Marcovaldo	Limericks written by: The Ghost of Sarah Collins
Toward women, he's like a piranha His sex life is darn near nirvana For Quentin, new conquests Are not even contests So who'll be the next one? Madonna!	Quentin would be in such bliss To receive just one little kiss From a wanton young miss With a cute little sis But alas such a lass don't exist
Each Christmas is well worth the pain, dear Though hard it may be to explain, dear The spooks seem less scary E'en witches seem merry And Barnabas lays off the reindeer	When Quentin is out on the prowl This wolfie can give quite a growl When met face to face You'll run off in haste Cause wolfie breath can be so foul
The fam'ly's at work busily, now Assigned to their roles Christmasee, now Liz tends to the wrapping While Roger's uncapping Look out! Laura's lighting the tree now!	When trimming the Collinwood tree Nice decorations you'll see With bats on strings Strange ghostly things And curses put on you for free
The Collins house panicked ol' Santa He leaped in the air like a manta "The ghosts are kibitzin'" He yelled out to Blitzen And high tailed it down to Atlanta	And now it is Christmas again We're all here remembering when We ran home from school Cause yeah we were cool Watching Barnabas open a vein
It's curtains for Quentin the weasel His foes would not stop, like a diesel Now he waits warily Soon he'll act ferally If hunters don't get him, the fleas'll	Its Winter for the Collins family Not a snow flake is there to see The thunder is clapping While lightning is flashing And we ask, what is a Christmas tree?
My mind's harking back to sweet Seaview Of which we got only a preview Miss Vicky's plans thwarted A plot line aborted When Burke got his high impact tree view	We ghosties all wish you good cheer My goodness that's why we're all here We all love to flaunt The family we haunt It's the reason we hold you so dear.
Miss Hoffman's idea bulb's not lighting Seems writer's block big time she's fighting The strain's overbearing Ask "How's your book faring" She'll scream "LET ME BE I'M STILL WRITING!"	If Quentin the werewolf had fleas Would they bite on his cute knees? Each tiny mite Takes a cute little bite Causing Quentin to feel unatease.
"Magda", said Barnabas with candor "Things may get quite hot like a tandor "To get past the tough spots "Means smoothing out rough spots "You mind if I borrow your Sandor?"	My name is Victoria Winters And that's how my story enters We live here for free Dr. Hoffman and me But I wouldn't be calling us Renters
Quite suddenly Roger went psycho Such anguish I'd ne'er seen the like o' More villainy magic? "Oh no, much more tragic "I put all my money in Tyco"	There once was a gypsy named Magda Who played a mean tamborine... well kinda She'd shake it and dance For a price she would prance And her home brew will make you go blinda!!
The New Year's Eve party to visit? Try Collinwood: party exquisite Celebrate cheerily And a bit eerily The question is what new year is it?	The Collins' fortune is Sunny We have so much of it ain't funny... Our claim to this fame Is a town in our name Why not! cause we come from Old Money!
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